A Prayer from a Mother's Heart

Father - 


You loved her before I knew she ever existed and you love her more perfectly than I will ever be capable of.  I know she was only meant to live in my home for a time and in my heart forever.  The time has come for her to spread her wings and fly, putting into practice what she has learned during her years in my home.  


I'll miss her.  I mean, I'm not heartless!  But I can honestly say that I trust you completely to go before her and surround her with your love.  I've heard it said that becoming a mother means letting a piece of your heart walk around outside of your body and it's true.  It's not easy to let her go, but it is the right thing to do!


So I'm asking you to get her to San Antonio safely AND get my husband home again safely!  I'm asking for you to be unbelievably real and present in her experiences there.  I'm asking you to stretch her, to grow her, to challenge her, to draw her close to you.  Be her confidante, her strength, her support, her most faithful companion.  


Thank you for what you have already done in and through her and I'm excited to see what you have for her in the South!

A Piece of My Heart is Missing

I was raised by parents and grandparents who lived the truth that sometimes family isn't really about biology at all.  At a VERY young age I went from being the only child in the family to the youngest of 11!!  My parents became house parents for Navajo Missions, Inc. and that meant 10 foster siblings, all of them part of Dineh ("the people" - what we white folk refer to as Navajo!).  I didn't look anything like them, but they were suddenly family.  My grandparents were always opening their home for people to stay - travelling missionaries, a single teacher fresh out of college needing room and board, they welcomed anyone and everyone.  


My parents never came right out and said that we should care about everyone and not get hung up on their appearance.  But they lived it so loudly it couldn't be ignored!  As a result, I have several former students who have been unofficially adopted as "my kids" and I have welcomed numerous exchange students into my heart as extended family!  I have a "daughter" now in London and another in Moldova.  I have "niece" from Russia who is travelling the world as a model.  Yes, a model!  I have several "sisters" from Germany, Finland, the Republic of Georgia . . . and more!  And in case you are wondering, the quotation marks I used were for your benefit, not mine.  I consider those young ladies family every bit as much as my biological kin!


That brings me to the newest member of my family.  Arini.  I haven't met her. Haven't even spoken to her.  But she is family nonetheless!  She is the child I am sponsoring through Compassion International.  Her full name is Aprilini but her family - me included! - calls her Arini.  She is going to be five on April 25 and she has completely stolen a piece of my heart.  I may never see her this side of glory.  But I am praying every bit as fervently for the state of her eternal soul as I do for my biological children.


Shameless commercial plug - it takes only $38 dollars a month to become a hero to a needy child.  I know, I know, it would be nice if we could take care of the needy children here in our country too!  But it would definitely take more than $38 a month and I don't think I have those kind of funds available!!  According to the literature from Compassion, I am Arini's only sponsor and it is this sponsorship that will make sure she is able to go to school (once she is old enough!) as well as providing access to medical care, English classes, even sports activities and choir!  


So what's stopping you?!  Go to the Compassion website (I've included a link to help!) and start investigating.  You can find a child that shares a birthday with a family member, ask to sponsor the child who has been waiting the longest for a sponsor, or simply look at the photos of children in need until one of them steals a piece of your heart - like Arini did to me!  You are encouraged to write to them regularly and you will get at least three letters back a year. (And you can write your letters to them electronically via the website - I'm becoming a letter writing fiend!) You can have the sponsorship payment automatically charged to your debit card and you can even send financial gifts that will be turned into a birthday gift from their sponsor.  There is also the option to send a gift to the family that will be used to purchase much needed household items - blankets, cooking pots, etc..  And of course you can send Christmas gifts!  


Jesus told his disciples that when we do good to "the least of these", it's as though we are doing it to him.  I know that I'm only helping one girl in one small town on the other side of the world.  But it's a start!


To get more information go to http://www.compassion.com/default.htm

Seasons

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:"  In the following verses, the writer goes on to talk about specific seasons or "times" in life - laughing and crying, gathering and scattering, etc.  


Life is full of seasons - childhood, teen years, young adulthood, dating, marriage, parenting small children, parenting teens . . . you get the idea!  My oldest child is moving 17 hours away to seek job opportunities in San Antonio Texas!!  My baby sister lives down there so it's not like I'm sending her into the great unknown with absolutely no one!  My sister already has a lead on at least one job possibility; we'll see where it goes from there!


So here comes a new "season" in my life.  Of my four children only two are left in high school - one is a junior the other is a freshman.  I know it sounds cliche, but it really does seem like they were all too young for schools just a week ago!  


So, on Wednesday, my oldest daughter will be leaving my home and moving on to try her wings in the south. People keep making comments like "That's so sad!" or "How tough for you!" and I'm not really sure how to respond.  Will I miss her?  Duh!!! Of course I will miss her!  Do I think it's tragic that she's leaving?! Nope.  I love all of my kids more than anyone can possibly understand.  But this is a season that's supposed to come!  I will miss her and am VERY grateful for things like Skype and Facebook that will allow us to stay in touch.  But it's time for her to test her wings and see what the world holds for her.  That season has arrived and the best thing I can do is prayerfully step into it, rejoicing in what is to come!

Trust Rewarded

I have been feeling a nudge for some time to state, aloud, to myself and God that I would not teach a face to face class at the college this summer.  That doesn't seem like a big deal, but the class that I taught last summer paid for our family vacation.  But the class also complicated my life when it came to running Take 2 Summer Youth Theater.  I'm convinced and convicted that I am to give the best of my time and effort to Take 2 this summer.


So I did it.  On the way to the college this morning, I stated, out-loud, that I would trust God to provide for our travel funds (we're hoping to go to see my sister and her family in Texas!) in a way other than a face to face class.  When I got to the campus, I checked my e-mail and discovered that my dean had sent me an e-mail about an hour and a half before my verbalized commitment.  In the e-mail, she asked me if I would be interested in teaching 2 FlexNet classes.  These are classes that do not have a set time to meet and exist completely online.  In other words, I can make the class schedule (grading, etc) work around the rest of my life this summer.


I surrendered the option of teaching one face to face class and God handed me the chance at TWICE the number of flexible classes!  Talk about trust rewarded!

What is an Intercessor?

As someone who has grown up in the church, there are certain terms you hear often enough that you assume you understand what they mean.  Or you at least know how to use them in context!  The phrase "intercessory prayer" is a good example.  I've used it and heard it used enough that I've felt that I had a handle on what it meant.  Lately, I've begun to wonder.  There has been an undeniable pull from the Spirit to get critically serious about interceding for a very specific group of young people from our church youth group.  


This conviction has also tugged at an "on-again-off-again" personal study I've been working on regarding prayer.  Rather than simply collecting generic thoughts/concepts/applications of prayer from my search of scripture this recent pull has given me some very specific direction.  


So join me as I journey through scripture and see what I can learn about interceding in prayer for others in a very specific, Spirit-driven way!

Fueled by Passion

In the movie, "Chariots of Fire," Olympic runner Eric Liddell states, "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."  The story, as I understand it, was that Liddell's sister was concerned that running in the Olympic games would distract Eric from his faith.  His statement is meant to reassure her that his running is actually a part of his faith journey.  Strange, right?  Running as an exercise of faith?  Then again, maybe it's not so strange after all.

I firmly believe that I was designed.  I didn't just happen.  My talents and personalities were placed in my being intentionally by a God who takes a personal interest in my growth and development as well as how I use the talents and abilities he's given me.  Psalm 139:13-14 says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  

I have been knit together.  I don't knit but I have tried my hand at crochet and I absolutely LOVE to cross-stitch.  I know from personal experience that such handicrafts take a very personal, intimate touch. The use of that mental image - of a hands-on involvement in the design - is powerful for me.  Part of the knitting that put me together included a passion for the performing arts, specifically music and theater.  I began playing piano at 4 1/2 years of age.  It's so much a part of who I am that I cannot imagine ever giving it up.  I began singing at a young age as well.  And I feel completely at home in the theater whether it's on the stage, sitting in the pit, or acting as director.  I especially enjoy having the chance to work with young people from middle school through college.

And I ABSOLUTELY get Liddell's statement.  God didn't make me fast but he did make me musical.  The last few weeks have been crazy busy as I've been playing in the pit for A Chorus Line at the local Community College as well as teaching part-time at the college and working at the High School part time.  That has occasionally meant 15 hour days.  And I've been completely energized by the experience.  I serve as the accompanist for the choral department at the local high school and serve as the Assistant Director for the Spring musical (which starts rehearsal next week!) and as busy as I've been, I would not have it any other way.  As I sat playing in the pit tonight, I was struck with the thought that I was more content than I ever remember being!

If I can be so bold, my version of Liddell's statment would be "God made me a performer and when I'm singing/playing/on-stage I feel his pleasure."  That's the only reason for the overwhelming joy I've been experiencing for the last couple of weeks.  Most of my life revolves around playing the piano - my very first musical love - or working to help get shows on-stage with young people from the area.  And through it all, I definitely feel the pleasure of the one who blessed me with a talent that I certainly don't deserve.  Acting on the passion he instilled in me leaves me content, fulfilled, and looking forward to the next opportunity I will have to do it all again!

Humbled by Their Courage

I've watched some young people I care an awful lot about take steps to open conversations of a spiritual nature with their school mates.  They were simple actions - my 17 year old daughter making a point of writing something on the back of her hand with the intention of getting people to ask questions, my son answering a question about the Latin phrase "Ad majorem dei gloriam" (For the greater glory of God) that was on the hoodie he was wearing.  No, they didn't jump up on a bench and start preaching.  They took one small step to start conversations of a spiritual nature in an effort to begin having an impact on their school.  They are being joined in these actions by the other members of the youth group who attended Dare 2 Share this past weekend. While I'm proud of their actions, I'm also humbled by the courage they display.


It can be very scary to share your faith; to talk about having a relationship with Jesus Christ.  I know I often lack the courage to speak up when the opportunity presents itself to say nothing of looking for ways to create opportunities.  So the question is, can I rise to the occasion and do at least as much as the teenagers in my church?  Can I be intentional in helping to create opportunities to share my faith?  It won't be easy to step out and sometimes people may give me grief for what I believe.  But I certainly can't encourage my kids to continue doing something that I'm not willing to do myself!

What Lies Ahead?

I’m in the van on the way home as I type this (thank you, God, for the brilliant inventors who gave us laptops and word processing programs!) and I’ve just had a tremendous two days with some pretty fantastic young people.  My husband and I helped chaperone a Youth Group trip to the Dare 2 Share conference being held in Minneapolis, Minnesota this weekend. 

Some of the young people in our group astounded me! They walked up to complete strangers in a Caribou Coffee and began asking questions in hopes of opening up a dialogue about spiritual things!  The youth leader, my friend Connie, challenged two of the girls to speak to a guy who was standing at the back of the store – near where we were seated – while he waited to use the bathroom.  So two of our young ladies took the plunge and spoke briefly with him.  Then one of the young ladies took another friend and went to speak to other customers and both the employees.  All told, there were four kids in our group involved in the impromptu, low-key experience and they spoke to five or six different individuals.

Their passion was challenging!  One young lady in particular was so much fun to watch.  She made a personal decision to become a Jesus follower at this same conference last year and her growth in just 12 months is exciting!  She’s fired up and ready to reach her friends with the Gospel.  She is actively seeking ways to grow and learn how to be more effective when sharing her faith.  She and three other young ladies asked Youth Leader Connie if she would consider attending a training institute in Colorado this summer.  This is an opportunity we learned about over the two day conference and when the teens were told to make eye contact with their youth leader if they were interested in attending the conference, four young ladies nearly gave themselves whiplash turning around to catch Connie’s eye.  Now before those skeptics out there respond with, “Sure.  Colorado is gorgeous – who wouldn’t want to spend a week there!”  let me clarify.  This would not be a sight-seeing trip.  The event is meant to be a week of training for teens who REALLY want to learn how to effectively share their faith with those around them.  Bonus – Colorado Christian University is offering three college credits for the experience as well!

They inspire me. The world would look at them and comment on how young and inexperienced they are.  “Wiser” minds would suggest that they grow up a bit before doing anything crazy like trying to win their friends for Christ.  But these four ladies want this!  I know, I know.  I said I was typing this on the way home so the emotional high of the weekend hasn’t worn off yet.  But something in the way they talk about the opportunity has me convinced that they are intent on going.

I want that kind of passion.  And their boldness!  As I watched the young ladies boldly approaching total strangers to start conversations about things of a faith nature, I was struck by how much braver they are than I am in such situations.

A year ago, the first time this youth group went to Dare 2 Share, there were five teens and two adults. This year, we had 11 youth and three adults.  Not bad growth in just a year.  A year ago, we did not really have an established “youth ministry” in our church.  There was something in the works and both hubby and I were excited to see plans come together (he is a former youth pastor, after all!) and the group officially started meeting this past fall.  We started with about 6-8 regularly attending.  Now it’s common to see 20 or so teenagers (not counting adults) each Wednesday.  And our Wednesday “agenda” is fairly simple – we eat pizza, chat about our week then have a lesson.  Not much in the way of flash or clever programming.  But the Spirit is moving nonetheless!  These kids are intense when discussing matters of faith and they aren’t afraid to ask difficult question!  They are very definitely seeking to grow and increase their understanding and I’m thrilled to be a part of the whole process.  I can’t wait to see what’s coming next!

Reminiscing

Tonight was my first concert as the choral department accompanist at Fort Dodge Senior High. It was a privilege to work with friends and colleagues and their students!  It has become a tradition to announce the Spring musical - which I work with as well - at this concert each year.  This year we are doing a personal favorite:  Fiddler on the Roof!  I had the unbelievable chance to play Golde in college which was on my personal "bucket list" of roles I'd love to play.  To say I cherish those memories is an understatement!  

Since the announcement was made, I've spent chunks of time here and there thinking back to my college shows and those I shared the stage/backstage with. I had numerous chances to perform, student direct, music direct, and stage manage in college and it was really there that my love of theater had a chance to blossom.  

So as I look forward to revisiting a show that is a personal favorite of mine - this time as a director and not a performer - I am reminded of those college friends who left a little piece of themselves with me by sharing a show experience with me.  Or letting me share it with them!  Much of who I am as a performer/director was shaped by those experiences and I am forever grateful.  

If you are reading this and are someone I shared the college stage (or backstage) with, thank you. You are a part of a very important legacy in my life and I am eternally grateful for what I learned through working with you!

More Than I Could Have Hoped For

After finally closing on our new house, hubby and I are faced with a plethora of redecorating projects; from simple repainting to redoing the kitchen from the walls out.  We spent a few hours at Menard's Friday morning getting the kitchen design handled (gotta love computer aided drafting tools!) and getting the cabinets picked out. Since I had to be at work by 1:40, we told the salesperson that hubby would be back after lunch to finish the purchase. At that time he was also going to add the appliances to the bill - new fridge, stove, dishwasher and microwave that will also serve as the hood for the stove.  Exciting?  Yes!  A little time-consuming and slightly overwhelming?  Definitely!


I've made it a priority to learn to carefully choose my words when speaking to my husband.  Trust me, I do better on some days than others.  But the over all goal is to learn to show my husband the respect he needs from me.  As if his need wasn't enough motivation,  the end of Ephesians 5:33 states "the wife must respect her husband."  As easy as it would be to tie some sort of "once he earns it" clause to that statement, the scripture does not say that.  I am simply told to respect him.  


I find that my "mommy brain" is often the cause of my disrespect.  I became a mother more than 20 years ago and have four children, the youngest of whom is fifteen.  Much of my time in the last 20 years has been spent using that "mom" tone of voice that is meant to educate, remind, and keep accountable. Unfortunately, I've spent so much time correcting, checking up on, and reprimanding my children that I forget to lose that tone of voice - and that attitude - when speaking to my husband!  In other words, I talk to him like a child who needs mom to check up on him. He is a capable, intelligent, funny, clever individual and does not want or need me to act as his mother!  I still slip occasionally but I'm (hopefully) getting better at it.


So what does buying kitchen cupboards and appliances have to do with respecting my husband?  When it came to the layout of the new cupboards and the appliances, my husband had some definite preferences.  Knowing that he is much more capable at dealing with spatial issues, I trusted him to make the best possible use of the space.  And I absolutely LOVE the layout!  I would never have been able to conceive what he has put together!  When it came to the actual type of cupboard to fit in a designated space, he left that to me.  Much of the power to decide the color and style of the cupboard doors - within reasonable financial limitations - was also left in my hands.  We had looked at a number of possible appliances and I had pointed out my favorites.  Again, I was assured that my desire for a specific color would be honored. As I said before I had to get to work and wouldn't be there to actually have a say in the final decision regarding the appliances.  Over lunch, we discussed going back later so we could pick them out together but I told him that I trusted him to make the final decision because I knew he would do what was best for our family and our finances.  When I saw the receipt later that day, I discovered that I had gotten my first choice with every single appliance! 


I know this may seem very superficial to some who read this.  It really isn't about the monetary value or the items themselves.  I see it this way - I could have nagged my husband, reminding him REPEATEDLY over lunch what I expected and asking him to repeat back to me what I wanted.  Wouldn't that have been a great way to let him know that I was sure he would fail without me there?!  Instead, I simply told him I trusted him - and I really did - to make the decision that would be best for us and our new home.  At the time, I was hoping for at least one of the appliances to be the one I wanted.  Instead, I got all four.  And his own words to me (and in a later Facebook post!) let me know that he loved doing something that made me happy.  Maybe there is something to this actively showing respecting to my husband thing!

The Arrogance of Youth

Before you take issue with the harshness of the title for this post, let me explain.  I spend quite a bit of time around college kids and their absolute confidence of how much they know is amusing.  I can only call it amusing because I used to be just like them.  Can I tell you something?  So did you! There is something about leaving high school and heading out into the big wide world that leaves us quite convinced that we have all the answers.   During those years, young men and women are convinced that they know how to solve all of the worlds problems, that they will be the perfect parent once they start having children and they are quite surprised that their parents have managed to survive given their complete ignorance!  We can be rather obnoxious to be around at that age!

Somewhere along the way, we run into the wall of reality and have to come to grips with the fact that there is so much we have yet to learn! The wall might show up in a marital squabble.  As a young wife, I was often surprised to find that my husband did not want my unsolicited advice.  I mean, I was only trying to help him do it right!  (*gulp* Nothing like completely violating Ephesians 5:33 - "the wife must respect her husband.")  Or maybe you hit that wall as a parent the first time your little darling stomps a defiant foot and screams "No!" when you tell her to do something.  Whenever it happens - and it will happen - it can be a jarring experience.

But as a follower of The Way, I should not be surprised to learn that I have so much to learn!  Especially when it comes to the things that my Abba is doing!  He tells me as much in his word - " 'For your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord" (Isaiah 55:8).  In other words, I cannot POSSIBLY understand why God does what he does.

I've said to friends before that my spiritual growth has been like slowly opening a door into a grand ballroom that's all prepared for a party, full of things that will wonder, delight and amaze.  When the door is open just a crack, I see a tiny glimpse of the wonderful things that lie within.  After I have gazed my fill, I open the door a tiny bit further only to find that the new things I can see are even more wondrous.  The more I get to know of God the more aware I am of how much I don't know and can never know this side of glory. But the more I know of him, the more I stand in awe of the fact that one such as he would not only allow me to fellowship with him, he actually desires it!

In my family, as well as my extended family, there are a number of circumstances that leave us wondering just exactly what God is doing.  We have been trying to buy a house for a couple of months now (it's in foreclosure) and the company that currently owns the property has been dragging their feet.  Is that the Master's way of saying "This isn't the house for you" or is the enemy trying to interfere? My sister  - the middle one in the family - has been trying to train for a half marathon to support a cause she is beyond passionate about yet she keeps injuring and reinjuring an ankle, making it pretty much impossible to train despite the treadmill sitting in her basement!  My baby sister has suffered multiple miscarriages and finds herself 15 weeks into a pregnancy that looks like it might come to term.  So what is God doing?  I could go on with story after story - loss of jobs, relocations, job change - but I don't want to overwhelm anyone!

So what's the big answer?! What is God doing?  I don't have all the details but I can assure you of this - he is still in control, he is still busy educating those that want to know more of him, and he is definitely in the business of helping a once arrogant, know-it-all young wife learn more and more the value of humbling herself before her King and seeking only to please him with her words and her actions. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I can trust him to take care of the rest!

Unexpected Joy

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Last summer was rough.  Unbelievably rough even!  I watched two full-time jobs slip through my fingers and faced - I thought - another school year of stress beyond what I was capable of handling.  What a difference a few months makes!

I left one of my part-time jobs just before Christmas.  Hubby and I discussed the situation multiple times and the stress wasn't worth the income.  We took a bit of a leap and had nothing in place to replace that income; as small as it might have been, it still helped pay the bills!  Since that time, God has provided IN SPADES!!  I was offered the opportunity to play as the rehearsal accompanist and pit pianist for the musical production at the local community college.  I think college kids are a blast and I love musical theater - fantastic combination!!  As if that wasn't enough, they are paying me to play!  I also had the chance to play for some soloists at a Cabaret performance connected to the college.  This turned out to be another source of unexpected income!  Then I found out that the accompanist for the choral program at the High School was leaving to further his own education and I was approached about the job.  It fit perfectly around the college classes I was teaching so I applied and got it!! When I talked to my Dean at the college (where I am an adjunct professor) she changed my schedule for next fall so that both the teaching and accompanying will work together!

Long story short - I'm still working multiple part-time jobs but I love ALL of them!!  It's kind of a crazy schedule - especially the musical theater gigs - but I have an amazingly understanding family and I am blessed to get paid for doing something that has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember - playing the piano!

This is definitely not where I saw life going when my plans fell apart last summer.  But here I am, working rather extensively in the performing arts, and I'm honestly only responsible to "be in charge" with the college classes I teach.  In both the choral job and the rehearsal/pit accompanist job I'm simply there to assist the directors.  I don't have to make any executive decisions, take notes regarding performances etc.  (That type of responsibility starts in May when the High School musical gets underway which I will be helping to direct again this year!).  I guess what I'm trying to say is there really isn't much stress attached to most of my working hours.  I've been accompanying for 30 years and playing piano for 38 so it's kind of like returning to my musical first love and getting paid to do it!

Do you get the idea that I'm having a REALLY good time?!  Cuz I am!!

Blessed Beyond What we Deserve!

As I sit here typing, it is almost seven p.m.  No big deal for me normally, being the night owl that I am.  But I'm exhausted at the moment.  Could probably fall asleep if I would let myself - and I won't!  Knowing my luck, I'd fall asleep now, be wide awake at 3 a.m. and get my sleep/awake cycle completely fouled up! 

Why am I exhausted?  So glad you asked!!  Today has been a day of whirlwind activity that had me running from one "event" to the next.  But it was also a day that involved a decision for our church that was a very big deal to my family!

My day started at a little before 7:00 a.m. when I hit the snooze button yet again.  (I'm sure it wasn't the first time since the alarm had been set for 6:30!)  I finally dragged my not-yet-fully-rested self from bed at about a 7:15.  My shopping trip of the night before (a couple hours on the road to Des Moines, four hours in a busy shopping mall and then home again) had caught up with me as I knew it would.  Don't get me wrong - didn't regret going for a moment since I got to spend the evening with some of my FAVORITE young ladies, but working your way through a shopping mall a week before Christmas is tiring work!

There I was, making cheesy potato casserole at 7:15 a.m. for the potluck at church.  The meal would be followed by a business meeting.  Today's meeting was especially important to my family but more on that later!  Out the door by 8:35, heading to First Baptist; Sunday school and church then the potluck.  I ate a quick lunch then ran my two youngest to the Hawkeye Theatre (for the final performance of a show they were in this weekend) then back to the church for the business meeting.

Meeting was out by about 1 then it was home to finish getting food ready for our annual Open House!!  This is something my mom used to do each year when my dad was a Pastor.  It's one of my favorite holiday memories from my high school years!  No agenda, lots of yummy finger foods (veggies, crackers and cheese, cookies, summer sausage, etc.) and tons of fellowship!  Open House from 3 - 5 or thereabouts and then clean-up which I finally completed at about 6:30.  Yep, tired.

Now about that business meeting I mentioned.  Remember, the one with the decision that was a big deal?!  Some background information - Since we moved to Fort Dodge almost two years ago, we've been renting a home that was, at the time we moved here, up for sale.  About a year and half ago, it was taken off the market.  The landlords have let us know that they intend to put the house back on the market sometime after the first of the year.  While we are grateful to have a place to live, it is not a house we would consider purchasing.  A few weeks ago, our church choir director (who is also a realtor) walked with us through a foreclosed home that is on the market.  It needs some cosmetic work and the kitchen needs a fairly complete overhaul.  But when I walked through it, I knew I was already falling in love with the house.  With the blessing of the realtor/choir director, our church treasurer, and the church moderator, my hubby wrote up a proposal that was presented to the Church Council (our leadership board) at their meeting the first Sunday in December.  Basically, it proposed that withdraw money from an account that was created when they sold the parsonage several years ago and had been used to take care of the Pastor's housing allowance ever since.  They would then make a loan to us with which we would purchase the house.  All the questions about contract, contingency, etc. were asked and answered and the Council voted unanimously to take the issue to the church at the business meeting which was held today.  The church family was given an explanation of the proposal, they had a chance to ask questions and then hubby and I were excused so they could discuss and vote.  They voted unanimously to do just what we were asking.  Even as I type that last sentence it seems a little surreal.  We signed the paperwork tonight (lucky we're such good friends with out realtor that he was at the Open House!) and the offer will be made either tomorrow or the day after.  Wow!  There is work to be done before we move in - aka the kitchen! - and absolutely nothing is packed so there's quite a bit of work ahead of me.  But I'm so grateful that the wait on this end of things is over!

But the result of the vote wasn't what REALLY blessed me.  It was the reaction of our church family to the whole situation that touched my heart.  One of the ladies in our church came up to hubby and I after the meeting, hugged us both and was "just thrilled" (her words) for us.  Others expressed their enthusiasm and excitement for us when they stopped at the house this afternoon.  A couple of them talked about the more "permanent" solution of home ownership vs. renting.  One even said she felt like we were making a statement about how long we intended to stay!  Rather than see the proposal as burdensome of even pushy on our part, they saw it as a chance to bless our family and were thrilled to have the chance to do so!  I am so grateful for my brothers and sisters at FBC and only wish I could find words to adequately express how I feel.  This has been just the most recent in a long string of incidents that keep proving to hubby and I over and over again that we are right where we are meant to be!

Seeking the "Good"

Old frustrations are coming back to haunt me.  As often happens, this seeps into every other area of life and leaves me frustrated and a bit snappish as well as making it difficult to find the "good". 

I'm still deeply wishing and praying for a full-time job so that the stress of working two part-time jobs will be lessened.  And in all honestly, if one of the two part-time employers were to offer a full-time position, I would gladly jump at the chance.  Mind you, this is not a "if either one offered" attitude.  Of the two, there is exactly one I desire to continue my employment with.  The money from the other is a nice addition to the family finances but that is really the only good thing I can say about it. 

I'm going to be honest - I've been wounded.  No music teacher (or art teacher or p.e. teacher) wants to hear that they are simply there to provide planning time for the "real" teachers.  I chose the music education as my major in college because I believe it has been instrumental in teaching certain lessons and bringing a sense of beauty into my life.  Being denigrated to nothing more than a glorified baby-sitter is disheartening.

The other employer . . . let's just say that they've made huge strides (at least in my experience) in an effort to really include the part-time staff in the life of the institution (and there are LOTS of part-time staff!).  If I got a call tomorrow offering full-time for next semester, I wouldn't have to think for longer than a second before offering an enthusiastic "yes".

But I have no reason to believe that such an offer is coming.  So I seek to find the good in a job where my education and experience are not as highly valued as I'd like and I've put in numerous unpaid after school hours to get the Christmas program ready without so much as a thank you. 

Looking for the good in that situation- the job is very close to home so I'm not using much gas (in warmer weather I can even walk!) and it is some extra money in the paycheck.  Well, it's not much but it's a start.

Looking for the good in a more general fashion?  That's a little easier - I have the opportunity to work with the Spring musical at Iowa Central Community College in 2012, an opportunity due in large part to my other theatrical involvements in the community and my part-time employment as an adjunct professor.   And I will once again get the chance to work with the students at FDSH on their Spring musical!  My hubby is filling our home with beautiful, handmade pieces - dining room table and chairs, bookshelves for his daughters, gifts for the kids, even a trivet or two - as well as being "commissioned" to do some pieces by friends of the family!  Is it weird that I love seeing the joy that this brings him?!

I will choose to focus on these things while I wait for God to provide.  And I still believe he will.  I'm just getting a little impatient to see how!

Encouragement

My hubby, my two eldest and I were a little late getting to bed last night.  Can't speak for the other three, but I'm really not the least bit tired!  I think that's because I was so encouraged by the conversation that kept us all up so late.

It all began with a question from my 18 year old - Is it truly possible for a married woman to be a pastor and still be a submissive wife who responds Biblically to her husband's leadership in the home?  Now, I know that there are those with strong opinion's on both sides of the issue of women in the pulpit.  That's not really what the discussion was about.  I listened to my two oldest discuss this issue with some passion.  The whole issue of submission was discussed with some measure of intensity.

We didn't stumble across some incredible insight that tied the whole issue up into a neat, easily explained package.  I'm fairly certain it's an issue that the two of them will still wrestle with from time to time.  But they are wrestling.  They are questioning.  They are working to make sure that the faith they possess is truly theirs, and not just a series of cliches and clever phrases they've heard and memorized.  We didn't all agree with each other.  We didn't even really solve anything.  But I don't think that was ever possible.  

I loved hearing my girls discuss the issue so passionately.  I loved discussing the issue with them, not as "my little girls" but as women.  In Philippians 2:12 & 13 we read - "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed - not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence - continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."  So I cherish these types of conversations with my children.  Yes, they will occasionally take a stance that disagrees with mine or their father's.  But what matters most to me is that they are thinking and talking and asking questions.  For that, any amount of sleep lost is worth it!
 

Feeling Reflective

Maybe it's because of the season we are in.  Maybe it's because I've been sick for most of the week so I'm emotionally already a little worked up.  Or maybe it's just because.  

Sang in the Sonshine Singers Christmas concert tonight.  Great music, great people . . . just wish I'd felt better!  But at least my voice held out till the last note was sung.  Have nothing left, but I'm okay with that!  One of the biggest treats of the whole experience was the two gentlemen I stood between.  They are both basses and anyone who knows me well will tell you that I LOVE hearing a bass sing!  I think it might have something to do with the fact that my daddy is a bass!!  Just standing between these two gentlemen was a special treat for me!  I have had the chance, in my teen years especially, to sing a duet or two with my dad so standing between Z and Marty tonight took me back to those cherished experiences.  Once again, I'm feeling very grateful for the love of music that was nurtured in me and encouraged by my parents!

There's a song we did that has stuck with me and I thought I'd share some of the lyrics here:

How is it, Lord, we can feel so alone

When we're standing in the pressing crowd?

And why is it, Lord, we feel overwhelmed

By the sights and sounds all around?

Take us back to the place where we knew your grace;

Help us once again to see

That the manger holds the answer:

Jesus came to bring us peace.

Later, in the second verse:

O lead us, Lord, to the stable again

Give us respite from the pressing crowd

A moment in time when we're undisturbed 

By the sights and sounds all around.

Take us back to the place where we knew your grace;

Help us once again to see

That the manger holds the answer:

Jesus came to bring us peace.

I can only speak for myself, but I know that peace is definitely something I could use a dose of. I'm not speaking of an end to armed conflict on a national level.  I'm talking about the concept in Philippians 4:7 - "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  It is my wish for all those I come into contact with, whether personally or "virtually",  that they will find at least a moment of peace in an otherwise hectic season.

Battles

I'm really struggling to keep my attitude in check.   Have been for the last couple of days.  December is right around the corner and I stopped to think about all of the demands on my schedule during that month.  It looks a little crazy - college finals to administer and final grades to turn in; college band/choir concert to attend where my second born will be performing (and I will have the privilege of sitting in with the concert band!); Senior High concert to attend so I can see my two youngest share their talents; a concert with a community-wide ensemble I'm a part of; my two youngest are in a Christmas play at a local theater; I have an elementary program to direct less than a week before Christmas; hubby and I are hosting an open house for our church family. Whew!!  If you take into consideration that at least four of those events will require at least two after school or evening rehearsals, the schedule gets even nuttier!  I love music performances at Christmas - really, I do!


But my attitude has been a battle nevertheless.  At least one of those items I listed above is an unpleasant obligation.  I won't mention which one specifically but it is attached to one of my jobs.  Dealing with some of the last minute details and extra rehearsals of that particular item has sent me into a bit of a funk and I'm fighting to get out but not finding much success just yet.  Not ready to give up the fight - just wish I was making more progress in a positive direction.


And of course the enemy latches onto my "funk" and takes it for a joy ride, reminding me of the frustration of my job situation and the irritations I must deal with in at least one circumstance.  Not exactly the types of thoughts one wants to be having on the heels of a relaxing Thanksgiving weekend!!  So I continue to fight to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Easier said than done but I'm not giving up!

Thanksgiving and Nostalgia

Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving, full of moments to express gratitude and chances to relax and enjoy family!  Some of you may have even been able to get some Christmas shopping done this weekend, courtesy of the sales that always show up Thanksgiving weekend.

Much of my Thanksgiving weekend was spent reliving memories of Thanksgivings past.

A little bit of background - we lost my Grandma Redfield (my mom's mom) this September.  She was my last surviving grandparent and her house was the scene of numerous family holiday get-togethers.  Her health had been failing for some time so her passing wasn't entirely unexpected; doesn't make me miss her any less and this was especially pronounced over the holiday weekend.

Earlier this year, my mom and her brother began sorting through Grandma's things and giving much of it away to family for the purpose of renting out her house and providing funds to help provide for her care (she was living in a nursing home).  As a part of this process, my sisters, cousins, and I were given chances to request certain items from the house that we would like to have.  Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any conflict over any of the requests - Praise God for small favors! - and one of the things I received was a set of dishes.  No big deal, right?  You set the table with them and you eat off of them.  But these dishes are so much more than that to me.

Grandma purchased these dishes from a neighbor.  This neighbor and her husband had actually bought the farmhouse my Grandparents lived in for quite some time.  When Grandpa stopped farming, they moved to the house my uncle had built right next door.  The new residents of the farmhouse turned the old milk barn into a cute little store that sold stoneware dish sets.  Grandma took me over there with her one day and asked me to help her pick out a set.  I happily agreed and she bought a set of dinner plates.  Over time she added some pitchers, bowls, dessert plates, a meat platter, serving dishes . . . you get the idea!  She didn't use those dishes all the time but they definitely came out at the holidays.  Every time I saw that familiar pattern on the table at Thanksgiving or Christmas I felt just a little bit special.  After all, I had helped pick out those dishes and they were considered special enough to be used on special occasions!  Do you understand now why I requested those dishes when I was given the opportunity to do so?!

And can you guess which dishes graced my table this Thanksgiving?  When it came time to clean up from the meal I shooed the entire family away and told them I would handle the clean up myself (with the one exception of allowing hubby to help put away the leftovers!).  I needed some time alone with the memories.  As I carefully washed each of those precious pieces, I flashed back to a kitchen crowded with Grandma, my mom, my aunt and all six of the cousins as we were all called upon, after each holiday meal, to help clear the table, take care of leftovers and see that the dishes got washed, dried, and put away.  As a teenager, that kitchen was uncomfortably crowded and I really didn't want to spend my holiday doing dishes.  Now I would give anything for one more chance to stand in a kitchen with those women and share the responsibility of cleaning up as well as share the stories of our lives.

As an extra-added little touch of nostalgia, I found out on Thanksgiving that my mom and dad had headed to Ludington, MI - about four hours from where they live in Battle Creek - because my aunt and uncle were going to be celebrating Thanksgiving at their oldest daughter's home.  It was the first time in 12 years that my mom got to spend a holiday with her brother!!

My extended family was much on my mind this weekend.  My sisters, cousins, and I have moved to various places across the country - Michigan, Iowa, Texas, and Pennsylvania to be specific!  - so face to face get-togethers are rare.  But I've been able to keep track of what's going on with all of them at least a little bit and our chance to chat at Grandma's funeral was precious to me.  I love hearing what is going on in their lives and love them all dearly.  What I wouldn't give to do just one more puzzle with my aunt, my cousins, my mom and my sisters.  It was a holiday tradition that we rarely missed.  We almost always finished the puzzle but that wasn't the really important part.  It was always the time that we "women" caught up with each other. When we were kids, my cousins and I would use the great desk Grandma and Grandpa had to play "office".  We always made the two youngest be the receptionists.  We told them it was their job to answer the phone and that we would let them know when it rang.  It never did but it took the two of them quite some time to figure out that we were tricking them!

I'm proud of the heritage I've been given by my parents and grandparents.  Are they perfect?  No.  Which basically makes them normal!  But I've learned about the importance of being involved in my community, the value of investing in young people and my local church and so many other things.  My grandparents were a small town couple who raised two kids, had six grand-daughters and, at current count, have 13 great-grandchildren.  They never made headlines or changed the world.  But they made sure that their extended family had a place to gather and stay in touch.  They opened their hearts (and their home!) to their family, their community, and their church and I'm a better person for having known them so well.

No Easy Answers

It would be nice if I could narrow my thoughts down to a few pithy phrases that could be expounded on and spread over several days.  That would make it so much easier to get something on this blog daily!  Truth is, what I'm walking through right now is not easily watered down into a few choice phrases that are cleverly worded, easily remembered, and oft-quoted. 

My last entry talked about the power of prayer - the ability to, whenever I choose, enter the very throne room of God and have his attention.  In that entry I mentioned that I was going to practice just "being" in the presence of God.  True to my statement, I've done just that.  Rather than allowing me to get a grip on the concept of being in God's presence, it simply continues to overwhelm me.  The more time I spend just "being" the more aware I am of the honor I have been given and the more reverent my attitude when I come to pray.

So, there is nothing profound or new for me to say here.  I'm simply continuing to seek a better understanding of prayer - the power I have access to, the various mentions of prayer in scripture and the instructions or lessons contained therein; guess you could say I'm still "in the process."  And I have a feeling this is not going to be quick!

Taking power for granted

"The LORD said to Moses: “Tell your brother Aaron that he is not to come whenever he chooses into the Most Holy Place behind the curtain in front of the atonement cover on the ark, or else he will die. For I will appear in the cloud over the atonement cover."
Leviticus 16:2


The emphasis in the above verse is mine.  That warning seems strong.  Especially to someone like me who is living after the New Covenant.  Aaron - and the High Priests of Israel that came after him - were allowed only one visit each year to the most holy place.  In the rest of Leviticus 16 you can read the painstaking ritual that had to be followed for Aaron to safely enter and exit the most holy place.  If any of those steps was skipped or short-changed the high priest would not survive the experience.  The most holy place was filled with the presence of God.  The access was limited to one man, once a year.


Heady stuff right?  I admire Aaron's willingness to even try and enter the most holy place.  I don't know that I could have done it.  Or watched a husband or son try it!!!


Then I read Hebrews 4:14-15:
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."


Wait a minute.  I am being told to approach God's throne confidently.  And I don't see a limit on when or how often.  If I'm reading these verse correctly - and I believe that I am - the gift of Calvary changed the requirements for entering God's presence and the frequency with which it can occur.  I can confidently enter God's presence.  No ritual sacrifices or bathing as described in Leviticus 16.  No offerings or special garments.  Just enter.  


Do I even get what that means?!  When I pray I have immediate access to God's throne!!  Not even the High Priest of God's chosen people had that kind of access prior to Calvary.  And what do I do with that access?  What kind of attitude do I bring with me into the presence of God?  I'd rather not answer that question. 


Oh, let's be honest.  I walk into the presence of God wanting help managing my time, solutions for problems, intervention for friends who are stressed . . . not that those aren't worthwhile things to pray for.  It just ends up sounding like a shopping list.  But do I REALLY get that I am in the presence of Almighty God?!  That he listens and wants to move in my life?!  Truth be told, I don't think so.  


So now what?  Where do I go from this realization?  I'm going to spend much more time simply "being" in the presence of God and not so much time talking!  I want to enter every time of prayer very mindful of the privilege that it is to enter the presence of my King.  I wonder if my prayer habits will change?  What do you think?