Sometimes, my children do things I don't like. Shocked? You shouldn't be. Yes, I'm a Pastor's wife, yes they are Pastor's kids. But they do occasionally screw up. Unfortunately, this time, the thing I didn't like was something that was convicting for me. While texting with one of my daughters, she caught on that I was a little frustrated. She surmised, rightly so, that the frustration had to do with a communication glitch between hubby and I. She proceeded to tell me that I might get further with him in expressing my feelings and needs if I didn't sound like I was complaining. Truth be told, that seems to be my default tone of voice when I'm frustrated. I apologized for getting her caught, however accidentally, in my frustration and ended the conversation.
But the Holy Spirit wouldn't leave it alone. I kept mulling over the concept of "complaining" all last night, all morning and into the afternoon today. And I didn't like it where the Holy Spirit took me. Or what it felt like to face the truth about myself. It's rough to have one of your children lead you to the place where you have to confront things about yourself that need to be fixed! Here's the epiphany I had (simple as it is!) - there is nothing wrong with expressing my needs and feelings as long as I do it with a loving, peacemaking attitude!! Ouch!! Wish I could say I found a magic pill to fix the problem. Truth is, I'll be seeking some scripture to memorize and meditate on to deal with this.
In spite of the fact that this was a slightly uncomfortable situation, there is a part of me that is thrilled that my daughter was strong enough to speak to me when I needed a loving slap upside the head. She managed to do it without being harsh and I honestly did not feel personally attacked by her statement. A little hurt, yes. But mostly guilty! I thanked her for having the courage to speak up and let her know that the Holy Spirit took her words and dealt with me pretty intensely today. Her response was, as I expected, understated. But it does my heart good to know that she's learning the importance of attitude and tone of voice. Even if she did learn part of the lesson through my mistake!!